Just let me die?

You don't love me anymore m, yeah?
Seriously do I have to ask you to celebrate my birthday with me? I thought you'd know?
Seriously do you have to ignore me like that? Who/what am I to you? Stranger or toy?
Seriously do you have to care about her so much? What about me? Someone that you can ditch whenever you want?
What now? Sending me mixed feelings? Playing my feelings?
Can you at least make me feel secure?
Why don't you understand? Yeah I know I should have left and let go of you but you know I can't. Yeah no matter how you make me get mad, how you break my heart, how you break your promise when you say you'll change, I'm still here for ya.

I'm stupid I know. Pfft

Alright. So you're leaving later. Must take care k. I'm not sure if things will turn out better after 3 months but I hope it will. Good luck and have fun. Be more muscular than bfr. don't lose weight already. Don't let anyone seduce you bye

Itstilllhurtswheneveriseeeverythingofyouandher.
Yesiamejealous&envious.I'mjealousthatyouaskedhertotakecarelikethat.I'mjealousthatyoubothcangoouttogether.doyouknowhowmucjithurtsme?noyoudontknow.maybeyouthinkthatithinktoomuch,youthinkiexaggerateandall.youjustdontubderstandcuzyoudontevencare.youdontknowhowitfeelslikewhenshe'sliketheimportanrpersonofyoursandimjustlikeastranger.youthinkyouknowbutyoudontknow.canyouatleastcareaboutmyfeelings?yeahyoukeepsayingthatshe'syourbuddybutitmakeseveryonefeelslikeyoubotharemorethanbuddies.
Nomatterhowmanytimesisay,itwontchangeiknow.youdontevencare.
Doihavetocryinfrontofyousoyoullknowthathowmuchithurtsme?

Just an ugly duckling.

I feel like shit whenever I look at my photos.
I wonder when can I be good enough. I wonder why am I not pretty. Yes I'm not confident at all. I need you to give me confidence.
But I know I'm just an ugly duckling or even uglier for you. Sigh.

I really wanna make you proud for once but yeah I will just embarrass you, right?

Everything kills.

Yeah. Jealousy kills. Insecurity kills. Everything kills.
You don't know how much it kills me. You must be thinking I'm too sensitive or what but don't you it's just too obvious?
Yeah I know I'm not pretty. I'm not smart neither. I have nothing good. I'm prolly the worst girlfriend on earth. And I know every girl around you is much prettier than me. They're even better than me. I will never be what you want. I suck and I know, right? This is how insecurity kills me but of course, I'm pretty sure that you don't understand.

I care. But I care too much. It hurts because it matters. If I don't love you, if I don't care about you, I won't be like now. I can't be like oh whatever who cares.
It's just too much to take.
I hate it when you ignore me.
I hate it when you treat me like a stranger.
Maybe you don't realize it but I can feel it.
Sometimes I really don't know what can I do. I'm trying to be the best but it seems like it's never enough no matter how hard I try.

I'm sick of bursting into tears every night. Everything's not going well. I really suck at being in a relationship. FOREVER FAIL.

I really love you.
I really like spending time with you. I like hugging you. I'm willing to sacrifice just to see you. But.. do you feel the same way?..

读回以前blog的，越读越痛
我知道回不到像以前那样了，想都不用想
去年什么都很好，除了一些家里的问题
今年什么都没有了，一整年就是很没有快乐的感觉
可是我很庆幸有一班新的朋友，因为他们，第一次让我没有讨厌上课
在学校，什么心情不好都没有了，什么都不用想，很好
或许他们都认为我是个开心果，因为我常弄他们笑，幽默感太好 哈
我不常跟他们说我有什么问题为什么我心情不好，就是不想 lol
一整年感情都很像没有很顺利，我知道他对我的感觉一天比一天淡
其实我自己知道就算他的SPM过了，都没有什么分别
I can't feel his love towards me, 好像都很陌生了
有时候看到他对她那样讲话我很吃醋，因为他从来没有那样跟我说话
或许是因为他没有那么在乎我，或是他不想
我希望他能爱我多一点，比去年年尾多，可是这种根本不能勉强
有时候很伤心，可是他跟我flirt一下，什么伤心都没有了，可是过后又很emo
有时候我很困惑，我根本不知道要怎样，我知道就算坦白跟他说一切他也不会明白
你知道吗，我很不想放弃，我很希望我们能到想我们所说的未来
我每一天都很怕，很他今天跟他说话，明天又没有，很怕他今天对我好，明天他连理都不要理我
有时候我知道跟我说话很闷，我知道他需要空间，所以他就找几个借口 end the convo，我明白的
我觉得自己好像他的陌生人，不懂，就是感觉得到
我知道他宁可跟他们说话都不会浪费时间在我身上
我很羡慕她们，我知道对他来说我一直都不够好，我一直有在改，可是后来发现在怎么改都是一样的
想做工赚钱买一样他真的满意的礼物给他，可是还有机会吗？
我其实很讨厌想到那些回忆，我很怀念因为现在什么都变了
喜欢在晚上哭到累了就睡，至少我不用想很多，想到自己都睡不下

他很好，只是我爱太多，在乎太多

Hmm.

Heyya! I know my blog is lack of updates. I'm sorry for not updating. So, here's a short update.
I'm kinda running out of ideas to blog. Like seriously.  I feel strange.

Hah. Do you still remember how we met? I do.
You used to act cute and say babe ah babe ah and everything, You know what? I miss that.
I miss you so much.
But..
Is it time to let you go? :'(
Sigh...

28.5

It's been a long time I didn't blog about outings with him. I have lack of ideas. :O But, since he's so despo to read my post, I'll blog as much as I can. :P

I was about to go out in the early morning that day because I had to follow my mum and she works at 8. But guess what? Dad didn't work that day, so that I had more time to prepare. :)

When I reached there, I kept asking him whether I look ok or not. Luckily he said okay and praised me all the time. *blushes. Then, we entered cinema to watch Avengers. I watched it with my cousin before midterm but I don't mind to watch again, since it's with him. :D We hugged as usual, kissed as usual, cuddled as usual, I lied on his chest as usual. :P These are what we do while watching movie, we never get bored of it. HAHAHA

After movie, we lepak. We went to padini to seek some shoes. His eyes were red so he sat and rested for a while I was seeing the shoes. He told me that he was thinking :"that's my girl" when looking at my back. :P Then , we went to greenbox. We didn't sing much but we did lots of sweet things. He's such a biatch, he hit my thigh strongly, so painful :'( BUT I STILL HIT BACK AT LAST. HEHE. We had a great time there. :) We went back around 5.30. We miss each other badly :')

Here's our photo. :D DEI I WANT MORE LA :'( 

Me likey. :D Love this so much. :)

I DON'T CARE LA YOU PROMISED YOU WILL PUT THIS AS YOUR TWITCON THEN YOU MUST DO IT! :(

I wish I could go on a trip to somewhere with him someday. :D 

I miss him so so so much. :D

I love him to the max. :D 

He's my naughty boy, only mine. :D 

HOHAHIHA.

Okay, I guess there's no one will ever read my blog anymore since I told them I stopped blogging and they don't even know what's my new blog's link. -.-

It's been 125435365754 days I neglected my blog. :O And I forgot my password. How lousy I am. -.-

Anyway, finally I can relax after struggling for 3 weeks *throws books. But it doesn't mean I can slack all the time during the holidays, it's like very bad isn't it. Lol

Went to watch dark shadows after school yesterday. It was awesome. ;) Kinda horror and creepy but still nice. And guess what? I met him yesterday. Heh. We're like 34234535646 days never see each other. :/ 

有时候会想他想到哭 -.-

每一晚都会想抱着他睡觉

考试时间太多就拿来想他, 结果思念太强烈, 我就一直画和写有的没的来分散注意力. :P

有时候自己很爱想多多, 都不知道遗传到谁, 心情很容易不好

看到很多比我美比我瘦的女生, 我真的好像挖一个洞跳下去永远不要出来算了 -.- 

有时候怕他会牵着另一个女生然后把我丢到远远走掉, 然后我就会打自己, 为什么想那么多 哈哈

有时候怕他会嫌弃我送他的东西因为我知道随时都会有一个女生会送他更喜欢, 更贵的礼物
有时候好想让你这样牵着我的手一直走一直走
真的好喜欢你抱着我, 我就好像被保护那样, 什么都不怕了 哈

OKAY LA STUCK ALREADY. HAHAHA. KBAI

为什么我最近那么爱哭? :(
每天只会哭, 哭又解决不了事情 :(

Randommm.

Ok I said I will stop blogging but I failed. When I read my blog, I feel like blogging again. I shouldn't let it die there.
Here I am to update a short post. ;)

I've been so down lately again. Whatheck. -.- I feel like killing myself ya know. Why can't I be happy every single day? I mean after school. :/ You know what? I like having fun, messing around with my classmates. We just know each other for few months tho. I think a lot when I'm home. Overthinking kills dei.

Am I really important for you? This question keeps on running through my mind. I don't want you to tell me that I am but show it. Sometimes I feel hurt because of something. I can't tell how do I feel, I can't describe them in words but I just feel it. :/ Every girl is sensitive, they can feel and care about all the little things.

I feel like .. you don't like to chat with me?
Yea, maybe I'm always the one who makes our conversation hanging there, maybe you'll get bored...
When you don't reply but tweet on twitter..
When you say you're a lazy texter but you're replying messages when we're talking on phone..

Sometimes I feel insecure because I saw you like other girls' posts but you don't even like mine. so yeah..

I always want to tell you everything when we're talking on phone but I can't. I suck at expressing. :(
Sometimes I wish you could really care about me. :/
And I feel sorry because of thinking too much. I try not to care but I can't. Useless sia. I know I'm a failed girlfriend, super failed.

7/4 :)

Hi everyone. I know it's been awhile since the last time I updated my blog. So sorreh. :P
I went out with veev, him and his friends last Saturday. To be honest, it's kinda awkward. I don't know why but just awkward. xD

At first, I chatted with veev at oldtown. We had a heart to heart conservation. I love her! x
Then, we went to find him at cinema. We watched 'The Hunger Games'. [ watched it like finally :) ]

7/10. Not bad. Damn ganjiong when watching! :D I purposely kept sticking with veev and see whether he would pull me to him or what so ever. HAHAH DAMN LAME. We didn't kiss that day. Hmm :p 

Then, we went Igentis. He talked to his friends. I talked to veev. It seemed like quite awkward. Heh.

After that he walked with his friends, I went shopping with veev. I wanted buy a lot of things so badly but ok I'm broke. -.- He held my waist and talked to his friends. I felt so bad to dump veev and let her walk alone although she said she's okay with it. UHH guilty sia. :/ Hopefully she won't mind. :) He and I kept wanting to take picture but shy. HAHAHA dumbo. 

He bought me a starbucks drink before leaving. :) Then I met up with Jing Hui. We went back together. :)

Hmm miss my stupid boy so much. :/ 

You never leave my mind. <3 I love you. 

有时候, 我比较任性, 比较容易吃醋, 比较容易没有安全感, 好像每天都PMS, 比较容易乱想, 可是我就是那么在乎你.或许你有时候很烦躁, 觉得很头痛, 可是你从来都没有离开过 :') 

我不敢说我们能一起走到永远, 不过我会爱你直到你不爱我的时候 <3 HEHEHE

Everything gets worse.

Hello readers. :) Guess there are only a few readers here since I changed my blog's link. Been using the link for 4 years I guess. But I deleted damn many posts, there should be 500 posts or even more than 500 if I'm not mistaken. Ok don't care. Btw I changed my blog's link for some certain reasons. :)

Hmm have no idea what to blog about. I'm actually freaking tired now. And still having a lot of bloody homework to be done.

Ain't in the mood lately. Relationship, studies etc.


Okay that's all . Stay tuned guys.

March holidays.

Hi readers. Do you enjoy your holiday? :) I need more holidays like seriously :( I still wanna hang out with all my girlfies wei. Time really flies. March holiday is ending and school is gonna reopen tomorrow which means both of us will be busy for studies again. *sighs 

Well, I was really lazy to update my blog until he asked me to. I know it's kinda late though. :B

I went out with him and another friend on tuesday. It seemed like quite long didn't hang out with him since the last outing we had. :/
At first, we're waiting for his friend to come so we walked alone. Then, we went to ' I LOVE YOO'. He's having his lunch while I was drinking my soya. :) As he's eating, I borrowed his phone. ( because he always shows off that his phone is much better than mine now :@ haha ) I checked his whatsapp. Then .................. HAHAHAHAHAHA heart broke into pieces sial. I just read some of the conversation which was with someone and saw the other contact names. I was like oh, okay, fine and being quiet there. He kept wondering why do I look so down and I told him like finally. :o He explained all the things to me but still I was down, down ttm. I kept being quiet there. He then looked like kinda angry.  I just asked him not to be angry but still the same. I didn't  know what to say. :( It was quite awkward all of sudden. He tam fan me at last. Hehhhhh.

After a while, his friend came. I was still quiet there. LOLOLOL. Then we went to cinema after eating. We bought 'John Carter' tickets. We walked around, lepak around then went to Shilin taiwan street snacks. They were eating and I was watching them. :P He kept sneezing and sneezing, poor thing. :/ I saw that he's finished using the tissues so I went to watson and bought him tissues secretly. :P ( but still told him at last. :D )

Then, we went to cinema since our movie was gonna start. We're so cold when we just stepped into the cinema. As usual, we hugged each other and blablabla I think you should have known what we usually do if you're a reader of my blog. :D Somehow I like when he's kissing my neck. <3 HEEEEEE.

Hmm John Carter was kinda boring. Rate it 6/10. Heh  Btw John Carter and Dejah Thoris were a huge romantic couple. :P

Woola! :)

We went to mc donalds after movie. I stopped him to eat ices because he's sick. He's stubborn like cow can. Ish ish. Was hoping that he would recover asap and worried about him. I would take care of him if I could. <3 And stupid you didn't infect me kayyy. :)

I took a bath after reaching home. Then my mum, ah yi and I went to relative's house at night. All my ah yi and my cousins were damn generous. They bought me some cakes and breads. DELICIOUS SHITTT OMG. My ah yi bought me and another two cousins a bracelet! :) It costs about RM500+. Awww appreciate it. <3
I couldn't stop sneezing because of the cold weather. I drank less water and ate a lot of fried food. :/
Many pimples pop out lately. Annoying betul. >:(

*cut my fringe again. it's not obvious tho.* :PPP

There are still a lot of things to be typed but I'm lazeyyyyyyyyyy, tiredddddddddddd. :/ STAY TUNED!

I was addicted to draw something, only few days. HAHAHA Now I think it's not that fun actually. heh

Hmmm, I really do love you and I've never thought you mean so much to me. 

I admit that I'm not a good girlfriend actually. I always think too much.

Nothing much. I wish I could be the only special one for you. 

I won't mind losing sleep having deep conversations with you. 

Nothing will ever come between us, cause I'll be standing right next to you. 

Maybe you think that I don't seem to trust you sometimes but nah, I trust you and love you all the time. 

Kbai.

Midnight.

I should blog about other things but I didn't. I typed until half then stopped.

Just, okay now I'm really down ttm*slaps self. Switch off my phone, ditch it. Listening to sad songs, thinking about this that, like an old lady. 

March holiday is ending. asdfghj. School life's gonna start again. Now, everything seems to annoy me. Everything seems impossible to happen. It doesn't exist.  ( whathell am I talking now? )

 I realize, you're like happier without me. Hah. :) 

One week holidays?

this photo was kinda old. ikr!? :p

Hello readers. School's been pretty busy nowadays. I was really stressed last week because of monthly test. Every subject was killing me. Most of my classmates are damn smart and hardworking can. They put so much effort on every paper even sivik and pjk. Well, of course I was one of them too but what I got isn't really what I wanted. But at least, it's been a lesson to me. 

Okay let's talk about holidays. I really do envy those who have a lot of plans like go on a trip, go shopping or do something special. How about me? I'm just rotting at home, I have nothing to do like seriously. Lying on sofa, watching drama. Lying on bed, reading novel until falling asleep. Sitting on chair, online. Staying at home, doing the household chores. So, that's all. Gosh I'm wasting my days ain't I? :(

I'm gonna hang out with him and another friend tomorrow. Like finally. Honestly I miss him badly. Hmm hopefully our problems will be solved? Just go with the flow. heh:b
I'll be staying at relative's house until Thursday then going back home after tuition. :)

I start missing my new soil. My holidays are boring without her. CAN YOU COME BACK ASAP!? :( She's the one who always listens to me complain this that. Pity her. :P She wrote lots of words on her question papers just to comfort me during exam. It's so touching can. :') She's a good friend. There's a conflict between us sometimes though. (especially about love. :P )

*love him to the max* <3

突然之间，我很想你
想起你陪我走过的许多日子，多美好
你在我身上留下的味道，永远无法被取代
我闭上眼睛去想念你，用力的的页面想念你，你却离号我好远
如果这一刻你在我面前，我一定会抱住你，用力的抱着，我是多么需要你。
(seafood's pattern again. tsk tsk. :p)



Sorry for giving you troubles.

kbai. :)

fear of losing you.

*shit .I started missing my long fringe. :/ *

Hello readers. I'm gonna blog about ... er ... random thingy? And it will be blogged in english and mandarin. :D [ bilingual huh? :b ]

Firstly, my monthly test starts on next Monday. pfft. I will be having biology, physics, chemistry and addmaths papers for the very first time. Sejarah, biology, bm and bc are the subjects which I hate the most. Screw it. Awww :/
I just can't wait for the coming holidays! It's only a week though. I was about to go a camp which is held at fgs dong zen temple for 4 days 3 nights but I think I'd better either stay at home or do other things during the holidays so I rejected. And I want to talk to him. so yeah. x) HAHAHA

Okay as you know, I seem to blog about him like everything. gosh. :P Don't blame me can. I'm used to it maybe. Hmmm.
When you chat with other girls, I die a little inside. And I know, they're much prettier and smarter than me, no doubt. That's why makes me insecure. You're always like nothing with them, really. Yes, I trust you but what if you see I always talk to many guys on twitter and facebook whenever you view my profile? I didn't mean to be jealous. Who likes? I seem to care too much, I know I shouldn't give a shit. But I just can't control myself. I can't stop you and I know you won't listen to me. I've promised that I won't tie you too tight. So yeah. I don't want you to think that I'm not understanding enough. Somehow I think that, do you really feel that padan muka having a girlfriend like me? :(
I'm afraid of losing you. You're mine ya know. 

我想念你一直和我撒娇, 虽然像小孩子, 可是很可爱. :( 
我想念我们走在一起, 两个有讲不完的话, 闹来闹去. :(
我想念我们一起过马路, 我不怕那些车, 因为我知道你会保护我. :(
我想念你一起来就会和我说早安的时候. :(
我想念你每天唱歌给我听. :(
还有很多很多.. 我真的很想你好不好 !? :P [ 有点鸡皮疙瘩了。 heh]


I see our pictures like everyday. I know you're gonna study for your spm and have less time to spend with me. :( Jiayou okay. Btw I'll try my best to improve your weakest subject then teach you okay. HAHAHA:P Don't underestimate me! heheheh. It's just form 4 though. Still hoping that it does work.
I love you more than I can say, more than you can feel. <3 I won't give up on us easily. So in another life, would you still be my boy? :) 

Okeh that's all. GOODBYE MY DEAR READERS.  :) 
Good luck for those who will be having exam next week! xoxo 

Hectic.

Hello readers. I guess most of you are busy for studies lately right? :) I'm stressed like really. gosh. I never get enough sleep. And guess what? I transferred school again. To be honest, new school life sucks. I wanted to transfer to there just because those teachers teach science and maths in bilingual and there's st john.
The worse part is, I'm in the first class. My classmates are freaking smart and I think I'm the stupidest among them. Addmaths, bio, sejarah, bm, bc, they all are b*t*hes. Is anyone able to help me? lol.

Plenty of homework to be done and I must finish them by today since I'm going to klang with my mum tomorrow.

Btw, I went to SSAS which is my ex-school.

Appreciate it. :') It isn't something very expensive but meaningful. 

I cut my fringe. I'm not satisfied with it as I think it should be shorter.

Nowadays I'm really lazy to wear contact lens or make up. :P

I love them! <3 Never get bored of singing their songs especially what makes you beautiful. :b

I wanna blog about many things but I just don't know how to express. so yeah. That's all for now. 

untitled

Miss him so bad. Reading our posts, smiling with tears. :') And I forgot to tell him, I love you.

14 Feb.

Happy Valentine's Day  readers. So how's your day? :) I guess, some of you are happy because of receiving the presents and celebrating with the loved ones. Some of you are sad because there's no one you can celebrate with even you're desperate of  it. And some of you feel that today is just another Tuesday, it's ordinary as usual. Am I right? :D


Hmm, how about me? I'm actually thinking that today is a bad day. Yes I'm not single but still today is nothing special for me. And you know what? I had diarrhea and stomachache in this morning. I skipped school, again. :( Gosh, I think I had been absent for too many days. I'm gonna study and attend my tuition class later. See, how boring it is.

And his phone was broken. We can't chat for a few days. I miss him. :( I dreamt about him last night. The dream was like he told me that he has no feeling towards me but another girl. Aww, I was freaking sad that time. This is all I remember. :/ But if it really happened in reality, I will let him go even though I know the girl won't be loving him like how I do. :) Uhh okay should stop this. It sounds sad.



Btw I don't care, you must post a long paragraph about me as your facebook status after reading this. :P HOHO IT'S TIME TO BE ARROGANT. :D

If I could see him now, I must be hugging him tightly, whispering to him, telling him that I do really love him.

And I'm gonna share something with you guys. Here it is. :)



So it's quite touching and sweet isn't it? Awww. I almost cried while watching this. :') And the girl was hot and a really good girlfie.


"请珍惜喜欢乱想的女人,乱想是因为她们缺乏安全感;当她们说没事没事的时候,其实是想你们对她说怎么了,然后紧紧地捉住她的手,让她感到安全～不要随意地 提起前度,因为女人的通俗特点就是喜欢比较;也请男人多多珍惜喜欢乱想,又缺乏安全感的女人.她们之所以喜欢乱想就是因为她太爱和太在乎你." - From Twitter. :)

Okay, I've gotta go. Have a nice day! :)